


DKLA

by gleek_runner



Series: Mission V.A.L.E.N.T.I.N.E [21]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: 2012 Phan, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Phil is in love with Dan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-14
Updated: 2017-04-06
Packaged: 2018-09-24 09:07:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,015
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9714716
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gleek_runner/pseuds/gleek_runner
Summary: "There's something I need to tell you"





	1. Chapter 1

"There's something I need to tell you"Phil said in one breath before gulping"I'm in love with you.I have been for a while a-and I know that you probably don't feel the same way"he stuttered"but it's killing me and I needed to tell you.Daniel James Howell,I am hopelessly in love with you"

In fact,Phil had without any shame being in love with Dan since 2010 but there he was 2 years later only now finding the guts to tell him.

Though technically speaking...

He wasn't speaking to Dan.

Phil looked at the plant in front of him as if it was about to speak.Maybe tell him that the speech was good or that he was being stupid for talking to a plant.

Either way,Phil had decided that today he would speak with Dan.

He would tell him the truth.

The truth that he is in love with him and hopefully,Dan will feel the same.

(Or at least their friendship won't be ruined)

"Phil?Are you home?"the voice bring the boy back to reality.Dan was home sooner than he'd have liked but this only meant he could speak with him sooner.

"In here!"

Dan was in his room in some seconds.He smiled slightly-a forced smile if Phil was honest.He didn't like that smile of Dan's.

It pained him.

"I found something"he whispered and handed the other boy a newspaper with a red circle"It's nothing big but I think it will work"

"That's for an apartment"

"I know"

"Our apartment is fine"

"That's actually not what I meant"he told the older boy"I think I should move out"

"Wait what?"

"Phil,we've talked about this"

"No,we've talked about the pressure you feel from time to time not moving out"the black haired boy stated.

"It will be for the best.I just need a break"

"From me?"

"From everything"Dan replied sadly"I just hope you understand"

No,Phil certainly did not understand.In fact,he didn't want to understand.

"This is for the best"

It wasn't.

(Phil Lester is in love with Dan Howell but he can never know.Even now that Dan eventually moved back in,he can never know.

Phil can't lose him)


	2. Youth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You asked for it

Phil doesn't know exactly how it happens. He doesn't really care whether it's the fandom with their occasionally harassment or his own needy-and perhaps clingy-behavior that made Dan drift away, he only cares about the result.

And the result is that Dan has left and Phil feels emptyness for the first time in forever. Naturally, Dan had claimed that it wouldn't be forever and that after their fans got the hint of taking things too far he would come back.

Phil knew that he was lying.

(He didn't know, however, if Dan was lying to him or himself.)

Phil didn't really see why their fans had began annoying Dan so much. What was so bad about being shipped with him?

What was so bad with the idea that they could be together? Phil found this little 'what if' scenario cute.

(What if,what if we run away  
What if,what if we left today  
What if we said goodbye to safe and sound)

But even if Dan disagreed with how harmless the fandom was-then again some fanfictions and fanarts were pretty disturbing-it didn't mean that he had to abandon Phil.

Maybe abandon was a hard word but that was exactly how Phil felt. Sometimes he would catch himself hating on everyone and being irritated with fans as well.

(But this was unfair and he knew it so unlike Dan, he did his best to hide their little-whatever this was-from the public eye.)

He glanced at his phone as if the universe had whispered to his ear that something was bound to happen. The caller ID flashed brightly making Phil's heart skip a bit. 

"Hello?"

"Phil! Hey!" Dan exclaimed happily through the phone. Phil wanted the earth to open wide and shallow him. Dan was never that happy. Had moving out really caused him that much happiness? "How are you?"

"Good, good." The exagerration was always a good mix with his lies. Then again, he couldn't really say something else.

I miss you, the little voice inside his mind added. Phil just shook it off.

(What if what if we're hard to find  
What if what if we lost our minds  
What if we let them fall behind, and they're never found)

"I was planning on filming a video. What about you?"

"Not much honestly. I was wondering, only if you want, whether it would be okay for us to catch up?"

Phil wanted to say yes.

Screw that.

He wanted to shout the biggest yes he could.

But there was still a part of him in which logic conquered. Just like nicotine, if Phil was to see Dan again at that state he would just become a bigger mess than before.

"Sorry mate, I can't." He wasn't even a good liar. Dan had most likely figured out that something was wrong. "Maybe some other time."

"Um yeah, yes some other time." Dan mumbled a bunch of words and now it was time for Phil to think that something was wrong.

"Dan? Are you okay?"

"I'm fine."the other boy quickly replied"I got to go now but talk to you some other time."

"Yea--"Phil didn't even manage to finish his sentence as Dan hung up. The older boy laid on his bed and left a deep sigh escape his lips.

(And when the lights start flashing like a photo booth  
And the stars exploding  
We'll be fireproof)

He was really deep in this mess.

Too deep in love for everything to be erased or for him and Dan to just continue being best friends.

Next time he would see Dan, Phil was certain that he would have an emotional breakdown and might as well kiss that idiot before slapping the crap out of him.

He was in love with someone who would never love him back and that was the biggest tragedy of them all.

(My youth, my youth is yours  
Trippin' on skies, sippin' waterfalls  
My youth, my youth is yours  
Run away now and forevermore)

With these last thoughts in his mind, he gazed outside the window at the grey clouds. When Phil Lester was sad, even the weather would want to comfort him.

(My youth,my youth is yours  
A truth so loud you can't ignore  
My youth, my youth, my youth  
My youth is yours)

"It's going to rain." He doesn't know to who he's speaking but he feels the need to say it. He feels the need to believe that Dan is in the next room aimlessly scrolling in Tumblr.

But Dan isn't there.

Dan is exactly twenty minutes-by car-away from where Phil is.

And it kills him.

.

Dan is...something.

That's the thing-that has always been the thing-Dan doesn't know what he is regarding anything.

Perhaps the only thing he knows is that he's eyes are brown but other than that his entire existance is an enigma. These past few months had been filled with existancial crisis, a lot of crying and some unessesary scrolling in the phandom's tag.

Dan never questioned anything he did and he never wanted to use labels either. The thing, however, these days was that he had been given a label which he wasn't sure if he could hold.

Loves Phil Lester

Yes, if Dan was playing in Glee, his white shirt stating a flaw of his would not be about his sexual orientation in general but rather than his love for this specific person.

And now Dan was forced to have this label-that was given to him by others and not by himself-wherever he went. Something that simply came in contrast with everything he had been doing all these years.

It wasn't that Dan didn't love Phil.

It wasn't that Dan loved Phil as a friend either.

There was just something about other people's opinions and how they would constantly intervene with their lives that scared the living hell out of Dan. People had this specific plan for him and Phil but no one had bothered asking Dan whether he wanted that.

If he could just take Phil and disappear,that would be great. Which was also why he had decided to call him earlier that day.

(What if what if we start to drive  
What if what if we close our eyes  
What if we're speeding through red lights into paradise)

And yes, when Phil told him that he was busy, Dan cursed himself for even suggesting them catching up in the first place. Because Phil Lester was an amazing angel and Dan Howell was a messed up soul.

Which sure was a great otp trope but in real life would never work. Phil deserved to fly and Dan was nothing more than an anchor.

And then as he continues looking at his phone, it happens. For universe had always been a known sadist but also something that would never be so unfair, he sees a post. A normal edit-which is not even that admirably good-but it has this comment which struggles to remember a quote and mixes up a lot of words like stars,moon,sun and at some point darkness.

('Cause we've no time for getting old  
Mortal bodies, timeless souls  
Cross your fingers, here we go  
Oh, oh, oh)

For a moment, Dan can only think of When the day met the night and after rereading the comment five times he finally gets what the person is trying to say. He understands that light only shines brighter with darkness and he understands what the universe is trying to tell him.

He leaves his phone and grabs his jacket and for the first and last time in world history...

(And when the lights start flashing like a photo booth  
And the stars exploding  
We'll be fireproof)

Dan James Howell runs.

.

When Phil opens his eyes again, there's a storm. Heavy rain is falling to his window and Phil can't help pushing his pillow hard on his head. He just wants some silence to think.

But then instead of the universe giving him the silence he craved, there's a loud bang on his window which makes him jump. He doesn't move closer because he fears of lightning but the sound repeats itself and a rock hitting his window is now visible.

(My youth,my youth is yours  
Trippin' on skies, sippin' waterfalls)

He opens the window slightly and looms at the sky. He had heard of toxic rain but a rocky one was unheard of.

"Down here!"

(My youth  
My youth is yours  
Run away now and forevermor)

"Dan?" Phil yells a little too loudly"Why are you standing outside? And you almost broke my window!"

"It's helping me with my statement!"

"Which is what? Breaking windows?"

"Can I just explain?"

"Don't you want to come in?"

"No, because if I embarass myself getting the hell away from here will be easier!"Dan shouts back with a little chuckle. "I'm an idiot!"

"You paid a cab to get here just so you could tell me that you're an idiot?"

"Actually I ran!" He replied proudly while making a self-note that unless Phil is about to die, he would never run again. "I want to come back!"

"I thought you wanted to figure out somethings about yourself!"

"And I did, Phil. I really did."the last part comes out as a fainting whisper and Dan can only smile."PHILIP MICHAEL LESTER I AM AN IDIOT WHO IS HOPELESSLY IN LOVE WITH YOU!And I'm sorry that it took me that much time to figure it out."

(My youth  
My youth is yours  
A truth so loud you can't ignore)

"That was indeed very late! I don't have an eternity you know!" Phil laughed genuine.

"I'm an expert in procastination!"

(My youth, my youth, my youth  
My youth is yours)


End file.
